Maaya, me and this Warped Space-Time

It had been a weary journey. Since the day I first knocked at your door, Maaya. I, rather, thought -- I would be ushered into a room full of roses -- red, yellow, white. Spreading their scent all across. I thought I would find you sitting there, wearing a rich, red gown. I thought you would be taking me in your arms. And that we would start our happy journey together. I remember, I was so excited -- standing at your doorstep.


But the door opened only to let me find a note. A note that you had left for me. I didn't see you. You were not there. In fact, nobody was there in that room. No flowers. No scents wafting in the midday air.
A few blank walls, windows and a half-shut door that I had left behind. And a note. With one word on it.
I read. And I failed to find the meaning.

I remember standing there with a strange awkwardness of solitude; ..of isolation. As though I sensed you guiding me towards a particular destination and that itself segregating me from my environment!
I saw sunlight dripping into the room through the ventilators. The windows were closed. I thought of opening them. But then I realised that they were all jammed! So they wouldn't open!

I dreamt of seeing you in that room, in the red gown, bathing in the sunlight that would instead stream through the open, large windows -- filling the room up with a deep sense of satisfaction.
But you were not there. Neither were the windows of that isolated room open. Whose consequence was that I was only left with a note! A word. Whose meaning I couldn't grasp.

I vowed that I would find you. And my journey started.
My path sought you, my destination sought you; ..even the vestigial past, that I carried, sought you. I sought you in happiness; I sought you in pain. I sought you in loss; I sought you in gain.

And then, at last, I tracked you down! ..At least, in the beginning, I thought so!
I found you smiling. I found you quiet. As though you wondered whether I deserved your hug still; ..whether I have born enough desperation in your search.
You were looking at my eyes. They bore pain. Elation.

--"Got the note?"
"Yeah!", I had been carrying that paper all along, "It's one word. I fail to understand! I was looking for you. Half across the world."
--"Come in..."


Maaya held my hand. She took me to a room. And I still didn't find roses all across me. Still no scents were there. And windows were still closed. Rather,I found the room having a bed. And a mirror. Only. Else, it was all empty! Just a door, that Maaya had shut down after entering the room.
There was light in that room. Dim. But enough to see ourselves.

Maaya let me sit on the bed. It had a white cloth on it, -- covering it all up from all the sides. With no extra pillows or blankets.

--"So, did you fail to understand?"
"Yes!", I looked at her.
And I found her all the more beautiful. The black of her hair and eyeballs were deep, thick and mysterious. Her skin radiated a silver glow.
She wore a white lace dress, -- softly yet tightly tied to her body and she radiated an aura, whose deeper levels, I wondered I'd ever be able to fathom!
Her tone was naive. Yet sharp.

--"You look terrible!", she was looking at my reflection on the mirror, "You have dust on your hair!"
"Yes", I said.
--"And your clothes are all shabby and torn!"
"Yes".
--"And after all that do you still fail to interpret that word?"
She turned her head. She was looking at me.
I found her undressing. She untied the knots of the laces and the gown fell on the floor.

She didn't touch me. Neither did she come closer. But in that light, I was able to see her unhindered. All.
Her eyes smiled at me.
--"I was always like this, wasn't I?"

I kept quiet.
I could see her back, her spine running all the way up to her shoulders; the side curves of her bosom; the projection of her nipples; the smoothness of her abdomen; her waist-line; her thighs; -- and all the silver that she reflected across the room.
"Come over!", she waved at me, -- like a mother calling her child,-- as if to give to him a lesson that she expected to come home to him one day.

She helped me shed my attire. They dropped on the floor. All dirty with dust as they were.

"Hold me!", she said.
I put my hands around her waist and she drew close.
I felt my skin touching hers, my warmth feeling hers. My chest pressed against her softness. My organ sensing the joining of her legs.

It was not lust. Neither was it love. I couldn't concentrate on what it was. Maybe, an innocent surrender to a teacher.
I was panting silently.


--"Look at the mirror!"
I turned my head.
I saw myself!
I couldn't see her!

"Where are you?", my voice cried out in desperation, as if to figure out whether I have lost her track again! "I don't believe this mirror. It has to be warped!"
--"No!", Maaya smiled. "The space-time you are in is warped! That has made you warped too. This warping makes you see yourself all the times irrespective of my presence or absence; ..pain or pleasure!
Had you stood out, as I do, -- you would have seen this ailing world in the mirror. Along with its warping."

I couldn't grasp her words completely, but I felt my heart did. Because, I suddenly found my eyes moistening. I felt pain. And this time it was greater. For, earlier in my journey, this pain told me that I would never find Maaya! This time it said, even if I found her ..we'd never find happiness together.
Maybe, she sensed this. And maybe to lessen my pain, ..to let me forget all of that for a moment, ..she drew me closer.
--"Look at me!", she planted a soft kiss on my lips; "Pick up your dirty clothes and get dressed", she said, "You still have a long way to go."

She stood there. Singular. And free of all burdens.
And she was seeing me getting dressed.
--"Pity you!", she giggled, "You are masked again. Bound again. Ready to bear stupid responsibilities!", she remarked. "And I wonder if you would ever be giving me a violet rose on the day you propose..."

She was smiling away. As though she has caught my inability red-handed; and she was playfully enjoying the magical spell that she making me move up and down to.

I hung my head.
Maybe in shame. Maybe in unworthiness. Maybe in the inadequacy of standing in front of her. But maybe, more in surrender!
"I never know how to get you a violet rose, Maaya!", I murmured.

--"You would never get one!", she exclaimed.
"Then?"
She laughed aloud merrily and vanished in thin air...
Her dress that was resting on the floor disappeared too; suddenly leaving me with a deep sense of emptiness, as I wondered whether I'd have to start the journey all over again.
I bore a void this time, in my heart, along with the painful longing that I've had all my life!



And then, I suddenly found the room being filled up with moonlight. And violet roses. Thousands.

They flashed all across me. The moonlight was dripping off their petals; their scent as rich as wine, as smooth as velvet -- spinning a web of magical, sweet trance all around.

I saw them. I inhaled them. But I failed to touch!
And I wondered whether it was due to the warping that Maaya had pointed out!

And when I set out on my journey again, I found the note, that I had been carrying all the way, ..missing. I tried to remember the word.

And I remembered that it was, ..'Create!'